What I Learned From My Grandma

     On April 20, 2026, my grandma passed away peacefully at a local hospital. As with all kinds of grief, the grief I've had for my grandma's passing has been heavy and complicated. I will get into this more later, but her passing brought up a lot of thoughts about my own future. Instead of focusing on that aspect today, I'm going to focus on the things she taught me and things that I plan on applying to my life, despite the fact that my grandma and I lived very different lives. 

    The first thing I learned from my grandma is how to care deeply for vulnerable beings. Since I can remember, my grandma has always had cats or dogs around her house. She cared deeply for the animals in her care and did what she could to provide them with the love and attention they needed. When I was young, I would sometimes spend time with my grandma during the summer. I remember sitting out on her front porch in the evening as the sun would set, and she would point out any squirrels or birds that would grace us with their presence. She would tell me how important it was to respect the boundaries of undomesticated animals, and how we could care for them from a distance. These are some of my most beautiful memories of my grandma. The colors of the sunset, the warmth of the air on my skin, and the sounds of the night approaching, I can still see these beautifully in my mind.

    The second thing I learned from my grandma was that love is shown in small, everyday acts. I have fond memories of my grandma serving red Kool-Aid (though I'm sure she served me other flavors) in Looney Toons glasses. I remember the delicious taste of her zucchini bread. When I would stay with her during the summers, she would walk me down to the gas station where I could get purple soda and a tootsie pop. For a long while, we would go to Grandma's house every other Sunday for a Sunday dinner. She also cooked these beautiful holiday meals for many years. Though these things may seem ordinary or "small" to others, they were and still are huge to me. They were core memories from my childhood that I will treasure forever.

    The third thing I learned from my grandma was how to make a home feel comforting and alive. This is something I recently realized. My grandma lived in an old, Victorian-style mansion. If put in the wrong hands, this house could be intimidating. (Which, if I'm being honest, I spent most of my childhood absolutely convinced this house was haunted.) Grandma changed that for me. She proudly displayed pictures of her children and grandchildren. Her living room could have felt huge and empty, but she filled it with an area rug that brought the room together. She made the furniture in the living room as comfy as possible. She encouraged me to eat in the kitchen with her instead of the formal dining room. Our beds were always comfortable with cozy blankets. The house was, and for me will always remain, Grandma's house. Grandma was such a big part of her home; I'm still not sure if I'll ever be able to go back there without her in it. 

    The fourth thing my grandma taught me was to keep going even when life is heavy. I noticed this after my grandpa passed away in 2010. My grandpa's funeral was the only time I recall my grandma crying. They had been married 57 years at the time of his passing, so you know that his absence could not have been easy on my grandma...or the time period leading to his passing. My grandma persevered. She still showed her grandchildren love. She still made the holiday meals. She kept going before she was reunited with him 16 years later. If she could make it through the many other trials she went through during her 93 years of life and keep going, I can too. This is the most important lesson she taught me. Thank you, Grandma. 

    The fifth thing Grandma taught me is that gentleness is strength. I only remember her yelling at me once, and that was when I told her I wanted a tattoo. (Sorry, Grandma, I still got the tattoo.) Otherwise, I remember her calmly dealing with my childhood shenanigans. She showed me that you don't have to get angry to get your point across. I may have gotten my patience from my grandpa, but I got my gentle tone of voice from my grandma. Things that would have made most adults angry, she laughed at. I will miss her laugh and her beautiful sense of humor. 

    The sixth thing Grandma taught me was how to hold grief and love at the same time. Sadly, I learned this one after her passing. I've never been good with grief. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I feel deeply and passionately. In the past, grief was all-consuming to me. This time, not only did I feel grief, which is quite heavy, but I also felt love. The love I have for her. The love my mom has for her. The love my aunts, uncles, and grandchildren had for her. I never had the pleasure of being with my grandma when she was around her great-grandchildren, but I'm positive they loved her, too. My grandma had a small, graveside service. The officiant did a beautiful job talking about my grandma's legacy and how her family was her pride. You could feel the love for my grandma generating from every person there. Right after the officiant finished, one of my aunts began praying the "Our Father," and it was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever felt in the midst of grief. With one voice, we were praying together and sharing love for a beautiful woman who shared love with us with her whole being. 

    The seventh thing my grandma taught me was the importance of traditions and celebrations. As I mentioned previously, my grandma always cooked those holiday meals. I remember decorating her Christmas tree right after Thanksgiving dinner. For our birthdays, she would always make us angel food cakes with white frosting. My grandma was one of the people who made me want to be a mother, so I could give my children the things and pass along the traditions she gave me. Recently, I've learned that I can pass along those things, it will simply look different, and it won't be to my biological children. She has inspired me to start my own traditions and share them with others. She has inspired me to celebrate and celebrate with love. 

The eighth thing my grandma taught me was to notice beauty in the ordinary moments. I think this is something I need to focus on heavily for the rest of my life. Whether it was the colors of the sunset on the porch, the stars beginning to shine, how the trees looked at dusk, or the beauty of particular birds, she pointed out the beauty in all of it. She loved to garden. She would often take me out to her garden and point out the beauty of the garden or the trees surrounding her house. There is a huge weeping willow tree in her backyard. She would point out the beauty of that tree to me. I am now obsessed with weeping willows and will always associate them with my grandma. She had this beautiful window in one of her closets, and at a certain point in the morning, we would open the door to see the rainbow colors that the window threw onto the original work within the closet. I will never forget the beauty she has shown me. 

    The last thing she taught me is that being nurturing is something to be proud of. I have often been teased for nurturing my animals too much. When I look at the life my grandma led, she also nurtured animals. She nurtured my mother and all of my aunts and uncles. She nurtured her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She nurtured squirrels and birds from the wild. She nurtured her plants in her garden. I am so honored to have gotten her nurturing nature.

    I'm sure that there are many more things that I have learned from my grandma that aren't listed here, but I felt moved to list all of these things in memory of a woman who loved with her whole being and quietly changed the lives of all those who knew her.