My Dreams

 A question that I recently got was, “How do you handle others living out your dreams?”

When they ask this, they mean, “What’s it like to watch other couples have children when you can’t?”

The answer has become simple for me now. 

It’s no longer my dream. 

The hardest part for me in being child-free after infertility is reimagining all of my dreams. Everything from the house we purchased to my job were all linked to eventually having children. There is a content creator called “Blooming with Care” on TikTok. She is also child-free after infertility, and she once spoke about “the room”.

For those of you who don’t know what “the room” refers to, it is the room you were planning on having as your baby’s room. The original thought was my “Diva Den” was eventually going to be our baby’s room. Sure, I put some stuff in there, but only with the understanding that we would eventually turn it into a nursery. 

I’m lucky because “the room” was already something for me. All I had to do was make it more mine. Not all couples are that lucky, and have to start from scratch. But this is one of many examples of how dreams need to be reimagined. 

Then, there are the milestones. You know…the first day of school, preschool and/or kindergarten graduation, high school graduation, possibly college graduation, first steps, first tooth lost, birthday parties, baptisms, and the list goes on. Those would have to be reimagined too. 

I’ve had puppy and kitty showers. I’ve had birthday parties for me, my husband, and for our pets. More recently, I’ve tried to have events to celebrate our child-free status so it doesn’t feel so sad…but those didn’t work out. While I foresee more parties in the future, I’m currently working on spending time one-on-one with friends who have shown me that I’m important to them. I don’t know if you caught it, but I have two ways this has been reimagined for me. 

I’m not at the point where I worry about “who will take care of me” when I’m old…but maybe that’s because I never intended for my children or grandchildren to take care of me in the first place. 

However, I do worry about holidays. A huge goal for me is to focus on the present and enjoy the time with my husband and pets. We are currently celebrating our holidays based on how other countries celebrate. For example, this year we are going to have an Austrian Christmas. This has put the fun back into the holidays for me, and helped me let go of the traditions that had me preparing for children that I’ll never have. 

All of this to say, it doesn’t bother me to see other people “living out my dreams” because the life they are living isn’t mine. 

I intend to romanticize my life, fill it with love and joy, and enjoy every moment. It won’t be an easy journey, but it will be worth it.